Heart Break

From the darker side of Whimsy & Merriment: I am here to tell you that heart break doesn't just happen when you're in love and just because you know heart break is coming doesn't make it hurt any less.  I recently applied for a promotion within my current institution, I saw that the new position came with a new set of challenges that I was 100% sure I could handle.  I could go into the details of what the position is and how I was so well suited for the position, but it doesn't matter.  After months of agonizing over if I would or would not get the position, I did not.  At first I didn't even say anything, I just hung up the phone and helped the student who magically appeared at my door right as I was told, "we decided to hire someone else." Then I called friends, cried and talked.

The next day, I turned in my resignation. 

During my interview not one person asked me why I didn't want to stay in my current position, I was only ever asked why I wanted to be elevated (stupid questions, anyone worth their salt should want to be elevated for their hard work and for new challenges).  I am good at my current job, I am not loved by my students but my job isn't to be loved it is to hold students accountable for their actions, to show my students what growing up is and I do that. They may not realize what I am doing, but I do it.  A few weeks ago I yelled at a student, he wasn't asking me anything horrific, or being a terrible resident, I was just sick of hearing people complain. Being sick of hearing people complain is one thing, but yelling at them for no good reason is another, and that's why I sent in my resignation.

So the heart break?  I've been cursed at, I've been thrown up on, I've put out fires, I've stayed up past 6am, I've had girls crying in my apartment at 2am,  I've thrown AMAZING programs, I've confronted people using drugs, I've done things I hate doing, I have saved someone's life.  I've never asked to be appreciated, I've never asked for compliments, I've never asked for a thank you, I have never asked for a raise (and I've never gotten any of those).  I asked for new challenges, I asked to do it all over again and I didn't get the chance, instead I got my heart broken. So I sent in my resignation.